


if i can't, who will?

by techburst



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-24 11:30:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/939493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/techburst/pseuds/techburst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he doesn’t blink. doesn’t breathe. doesn’t move. but he waits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i can't, who will?

When he first sees that body on the table, it feels like he can't breathe. Can't even think to, even though it's as easy as inhaling through his nose and filling his lungs with oxygen that they so desperately need. 

But no. Jim is lying on a table in front of him - _dead_ \- and he can't fucking take his next breath to save his life. 

Whoever said dead people looked like they were sleeping are fucking _delusional_. They don't look anything like it. They look _dead_ , pale and still and cold, and even though he knows he can't, he wants to reach out and touch him. The line of his jaw, the lifeless spread of his hand at his side, tapered fingers stiff and still. 

_You fucking moron. We didn't ask you to do this for us. Why the hell would you?_

Except he knows the answer, even though he doesn't want to think about it. James Tiberius Kirk can be one selfish motherfucker when he wants to be, but when it comes to his crew, he'll forfeit his life again and again just to ensure their safety. Over and over, an endless loop of self-destruction and sacrifice. 

_Idiot_. 

His chest is tight. It feels like he's just seconds away from having a fucking heart attack, but he has to keep it together. Has to come to terms with the fact that he's just lost the single most important person in his life, try to wrap his mind around the idea that he'll never get to see that stupid smile again, never get to wake up in the middle of the night and practically wrestle the covers back over onto his side of the bed, never get to chase the bastard down for his exams.

He needs to get ahold of himself. He needs to take care of this. 

Somehow. 

Bones sits down at his workstation. Right next to the dead tribble that he'd injected with Khan's blood. That. Is. Not dead anymore. 

Holy fucking shit.

" _Get me a cryo-tube! Now!_ "

His hands should be shaking with how tightly he's holding his breath, but they're steady. Still as sure as they ever have been once they have Khan back in custody and he's free to take what he needs.

What he needs to put the life back into a body that has never done anything but shine. 

The serum doesn't take long to manifest, though for Bones, it feels like years. Years of everything moving in goddamn slow-motion, like they're all underwater and he's seeing everything at an angle. His eyes never stray from the other's face for very long, and once he takes the hypo to the side of his neck, he's pretty sure he's going to throw up from anxiety. 

He waits. It still feels like forever, the seconds ticking by as diligently as they ever have, uncaring of the man standing there with his heart in his throat and a tricorder in his hand, monitoring for signs of life. 

When that first breath comes, it almost seems like a spasm. It's short, choked, and for a moment Bones is terrified that it's just Jim's body doing what dead bodies do. Expelling gas as the muscles settle, and for _one gut-wrenching second_ he's convinced that he'd failed. 

But then it comes again, a bit less choked, a bit more purposeful. 

And he doesn't blink. Doesn't breathe. Doesn't move. 

But he waits.


End file.
